On Human Feedbags

     I consider myself the inventor of grazing (eating all day long), since I was doing it long before it became fashionable, but I'm more proud of my other gastronomic innovation:  the human feedbag.

The original feed bag for horses.

     You've probably seen--in TV shows or movies--those bags of grain they strap onto horses' mouths so they can eat without the need for a trough.

     Well, while I was in law school--studying my heart out at all hours of day and night in the depths of the Cornell Law School basement--I had a Eureka! moment:  humans can use feedbags, too!

     I had an old blue and red gym bag that I filled with bags of generic Doritos, apples, candy bars, baby carrots, all manner of Little Debbie snacks, peanuts and a host of other nutritious and non-nutritious items, and whenever I got hungry, rather than go home or scout out the nearest vending machine, I simply opened my feedbag and indulged.

                                

Just a few of the delightful products that work well in Human Feed Bags.

     Talk about a time saver!

     Of course, I never broke the rules by eating in the library basement (although I know plenty of people who did, and I could name names, if necessary).  I had the decency and courtesy to ascend to the first floor lobby--which is like the hall of a medieval English castle without the suits of armor--where I feasted at a huge oak table in front of an enormous fireplace.  Lest you get the idea this hall was warm and inviting, it was not:  the fireplace was never lit, the hall was always dark, and it was usually freezing.

Someday they'll film a horror movie here:
Cornell Law School, scene of my Eureka! moment.

     But I'll save my hatred of Cornell Law School for another post.

     Returning to feedbags, they also worked well during class.  Since most of my classes at Cornell Law School were enormous, and held in huge auditoriums, it was easy to eat faux Doritos from a gym bag without being reprimanded by the professor.  And when I tired of being at the law school, which was virtually all the time, I could take my feedbag and escape to the main campus library, to one of the lush gorges that dot the Cornell campus (only in May, though--during the rest of the school year these gorges are filled with snow), or to the courtyard of the business school, where I reveled in anonymity and feedbag cuisine.

An option:  the Tory Burch Feed Bag.

     To initiate your own feedbag regimen, all you need is some instrument in which to carry snacks (I recommend diminutive gym bags for guys, but females may want to consider the very handy Tory Burch Feed Bags, Louis Vuitton totes, or Fendi baguettes), the snacks themselves, and the determination to eat anytime and anywhere you have the urge.
     Buon appetito!